


chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: (potentially offensive humour inbound), Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, im sorry for chapter 11, more relationships will be added, wow this is just a clusterfuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-11-12 20:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: it's senior year, jisoo is new, and he's not quite sure what kind of friend group he's stepped into





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so,, im jumping on the bandwagon with a chat fic with a totally unoriginal concept, whoo!!
> 
> here are the chat names for reference:  
> seungcheol: hot single dad  
> jeonghan: sssss  
> jisoo: joshuahong > westcoast represent  
> jun: pure boi  
> soonyoung: spaghetti arms  
> wonwoo: fuck off  
> jihoon: fuck off 2.0  
> dokyeom: :D  
> mingyu: cant hear from up here  
> minghao: suckmydick2k17  
> seungkwan: bubble butt  
> hansol: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> chan: patrick swayze who

**chat: we fucked ONCE (2)**

_[03:17]_

**sssss _:_** cheol  
**sssss:** cheol  
**sssss:** cheol  
**sssss:** cheolie

**hot single dad:** it's 3am, what do you want hannie

**sssss:** wow, okay next time u need comfort after marathoning downton abbey go to mingyu  
**sssss:** but anyway did you see him??

**hot single dad:** who?

**sssss:** the new kid  
**sssss:** he's the church boy, the hot one

**hot single dad:** jisoo?

**sssss:** hmhm  
**sssss:** he's so innocent  
**sssss:** he thought bad-dragon.com was an online fantasy game

**hot single dad:** oh, bless him :((  
**hot single dad:** why is this important at three in the morning?

**sssss** : because, i was thinking, right

**hot single dad:** uh oh

**sssss:** we should adopt him  
**sssss:** we should taint him

**hot single dad:** you have issues  
**hot single dad:** sadistic issues

**sssss:** calm down i dont mean rip his virginity from him or anythin  
**sssss:** he got upset when jihoon swore in computing  
**sssss:** we need to bring him to the forefront of being a teenager  
**sssss:** i bet he's never even been to a party  
**sssss:** make him drink, show him how we do it over the pond

**hot single dad:** this is all so you can rip his virginity from him, in the end, isnt it

**sssss:** consensually

**hot single dad:** id be calling the police if it wasnt

**sssss:** much thanks  
**sssss:** anyway, in for it?

**hot single dad:** in for taking the (probably)pure boy and corrupting him in our hands?  
**hot single dad:** regretfully yes

**sssss:** this is why i love you

**hot single dad:** omg  
**hot single dad:** do you really

**sssss:** no

_sssss has left the chat_


	2. Chapter 2

**chat: what the fuck happened to us? (12)**

_[16:32]_

**hot single dad:** before i add him in  
**hot single dad:** mind your language, apparently he's sensitive to that

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah he legit almost cried when i said cock the other day

 **suckmydick2k17:**  we're going to have issues

 **pure boi:** we shouldnt do this  
**pure boi:** he's too good for us

 **bubble butt:** even if we dont or we do, you'll be climbing in his pants by the end of the month either way

 **pure boi:** your view of me is so low

 **bubble butt:** your fault  
**bubble butt:** you fucked half the football team during the summer

 **:D:** he didnt!?

 **bubble butt:** he did

 **pure boi:** i did

_hot single dad added joshuahong to the chat_

**hot single dad:** say hi guys :)

 **suckmydick2k17:** FUCK FUCKING FUCKITY COCKS DICK SHIT DAMN BALLS JESUS CHRIST  
**suckmydick2k17:** sorry my cat walked across my keyboard

 **joshuahong:** oh goodness

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** goodness  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** that's adorable

 **spaghetti arms:** you had one job minghao  
**spaghetti arms:** to make it seem like we were normal for one second  
**spaghetti arms:** and you fucked it up

 **joshuahong:** with a chat name like 'what the f*ck happened to us?' i think it's a given that you're not quite normal

 **patrick swayze who:** HE CENSORED HIMSELF  
**patrick swayze who:** THATS LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER

 **sssss:** this is gonna be fun

 **fuck off:** should we introduce ourselves?

 **hot single dad:** good idea.  
**hot single dad:** jisoo why dont you go first

 **joshuahong:** i dont know if i want to

 **fuck off 2.0:** i like him

 **joshuahong:** i'm the new kid, hi! moved from california  
**joshuahong:** thanks for letting me join your friends group!  
**joshuahong:** i think  
**joshuahong:** ive never been good at making friends

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** thats the saddest yet cutest thing ever

 **patrick swayze who:** WHY IS YOUR NAME JOSHUA?

 **joshuahong:** i have two names, joshua is my english, jisoo is my korean

 **patrick swayze who:** AH I SEE

 **joshuahong:** why are you typing in all caps

 **hot single dad:** his phone keyboard is broken, he cant disable caps lock  
**hot single dad:** his name is chan, btw

 **patrick swayze who:** JIHOON'S FAULT  
**patrick swayze who:** HE THREW IT

 **joshuahong:** jihoon sounds like he has some anger issues

 **fuck off 2.0:** i fucking do not

 **fuck off:** we've been saying that for four years, me, for at least seventeen

 **hot single dad:** the fuck off duo is jihoon and wonwoo, they've been best friends since kindergarten  
**hot single dad:** jihoon's5'4" and holds enough anger to fuel hell **  
hot single dad:** wonwoo is taller and considerably less agitated. but still, if you see him reading dont interrupt him

 **fuck off 2.0:** dont misunderstand  
**fuck off 2.0:** im the most normal

 **:D:**  you eat carrot sticks with whipped cream??

 **fuck off 2.0:** your point?

 **joshuahong:** oh you like books wonwoo? i love reading!

 **fuck off:** sweet! i'm really into the mortal instrument series nowadays

 **sssss:** enough flirting, we've got people to meet

 **hot single dad:** in my opinion, seokmin is the most normal

 **:D:** thats me! im seokmin/dokyeom/dk

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** /ball of sunshine

 **spaghetti arms:** /light of our lives

 **pure boi:** /most beautiful human

 **:D:** you guys are making me blush

 **joshuahong:**  thats so sweet  
**joshuahong:** why do you have so many names?

 **:D:** my parents were crack addicts

 **joshuahong:** oh gosh  
**joshuahong:** i'm sorry man

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** gosh  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:**  how cute

 **fuck off:** seokmin is the boy we will all lay our lives down for. the "hurt him and we break your legs" friend

 **suckmydick2k17:** yeah he seems normal until you meet him in real life  
**suckmydick2k17:** and you realize he's louder than a fucking fog horn

 **hot single dad:** the 90% salt 10% unknown is minghao  
**hot single dad:** we're all convinced he's from an ancient chinese gang and is a ninja warrior

 **fuck off 2.0:** cheol, its still only you who thinks that  
**fuck off 2.0:** also ninjas are japanese??

 **sssss:** fucking nerd

 **hot single dad:** thats jeonghan  
**hot single dad:** he doesn't need an introduction

 **joshuahong:** sssss?

 **patrick swayze who:** IT BECAUSE HE'S A SNAKE

 **fuck off 2.0:** fake ass bitch

 **bubble butt:** 0/10 wouldnt trust again

 **sssss:** thanks guys   
**sssss:** no really, love the loyalty

 **fuck off:** you're welcome

 **joshuahong:** how is he a snake?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** dont get him started

 **bubble butt:** i'll tell you later jisoo, its a loooong story

 **pure boi:** all he did was take his childhood teddy and used him for paintball practice

 **bubble butt:** YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BROKEN I WAS

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** jeonghan and jihoon are always fighting

 **sssss:** thats because he's impossible

 **fuck off 2.0:** and youre a self-centered bitch

 **sssss:** suck my dick

 **fuck off 2.0:** do i look like seungcheol?

 **pure boi:** FUCK  
**pure boi:** DRAG EM HOONIE

 **:D:** for the record i like you jeonghanie

 **sssss:** thank you sweetie

 **spaghetti arms:** i like you too!

 **sssss:** fuck off soonyoung

 **hot single dad:** now now children  
**hot single dad:** spaghetti arms is soonyoung. he loves dirty dancing  
**hot single dad:** the film and the practice

 **spaghetti arms:** ;)

 **fuck off 2.0:** /pukes

 **hot single dad:** surprisingly, he's not the sex crazed fanatic he seems  
**hot single dad:** jun is

 **pure boi:** holla

 **hot single dad:** he's had sex with ... a lot of people

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:**  which is why we named him pure boi  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:**  its ironic

 **partick swayze who:** HES FUCKED ALL OF USE

 **joshuahong:** sheesh, really?

 **sssss:** *most  
**sssss:** SOME of us fucked him

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh ffs

 **sssss:** ask cheol, he'll know what im on about

 **spaghetti arms:** sTOP 

 **joshuahong:** oh..

_fuck off has left the chat_

**hot single dad:** MOVING ON

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** god, jisoo is so cute  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:**  oops wrong chat

 **hot single dad:** the one flirting with you is hansol

 **joshuahong:** uhm..

 **bubble butt:** dont worry, he flirts with everyone :))  
**bubble butt:** e v e r y o n e

 **hot single dad:** and thats seungkwan, his rather possessive long term boyfriend

 **suckmydick2k17:** they've been dating since 8th grade  
**suckmydick2k17:** its disgusting

 **bubble butt:** maybe if you didnt jump from boy to boy, you'd find someone too

 **pure boi:** 911 id like to report a murder xu minghao just got SLAIN

 **hot single dad:** seungkwan has an attitude problem

 **bubble butt:** do not!

 **fuck off 2.0:** someone held the door open for you yesterday and you said "do i look disabled?"

 **bubble butt:** i was perfectly capable of doing it myself!

 **hot single dad:** that leaves me! i'm seungcheol, i've appointed myself as the dad of these guys

 **joshuahong:** oh thats nice!

 **fuck off 2.0:** it is until he starts calling you to check if you're asleep

 **hot single dad:** a) that was one time after you'd been awake for 72 fucking hours b) i was trying to be nice???

 **fuck off 2.0:** its still fucking creepy man!

 **sssss:** hold on  
**sssss:** we're missing someone

 **joshuahong:** theres more??

_fuck off has rejoined the chat_

_cant hear from up here has joined the chat_

**suckmydick2k17:** speak of the tall annoying devil

 **cant hear from up here:** sorry i was napping  
**cant hear from up here:** what did i miss

 **hot single dad:** jisoo meet mingyu  
**hot single dad:** mingyu introduce yourself

 **joshuahong:** hi there!

 **cant hear from up here:** yo im mingyu i like long walks on the sea and swimming in the sand  
**cant hear from up here:** who are you?

 **joshuahong:** new kid. from the west coast

 **cant hear from up here:** incheon?

 **fuck off 2.0:** west coast of america you donkey

 **spaghetti arms:** mingyu is what we call a few sandwiches short of the picnic

 **cant hear from up here:** was i supposed to bring a lunch?

 **spaghetti arms:** see what i mean

 **cant hear from up here:** oh shit youre the hot guy who sat infront of me in maths

 **joshuahong:** i guess yeah!

 **cant hear from up here:** your hair is nice

 **joshuahong:** aha thank you

 **bubble butt:** next order of business  
**bubble butt:** you gotta change your screen name

 **joshuahong:** me? why?

 **bubble butt:** its not nearly meme-y enough for this chat

 **suckmydick2k17:** he's right, we thrive on memes

 **joshuahong:** oh, uh i guess i'll think about it

 **bubble butt:** good, we just want you to fit in

 **hot single dad:** he'd fit in either way, right seungkwan

 **bubble butt:** right!! just looking out for him

 **joshuahong:** thanks! gotta go, i'll see you all tomorrow?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yep!

_joshuahong has left the chat_

**pure boi:** i stand by it, we cant do this to him

 **sssss:** shut up i now youve already thought of fucking him

 **fuck off:** you guys are sick

 **pure boi:** fuck off, go and suck mingyu's dick

 **fuck off:** go and suck jeonghan's!

 **pure boi:** i would if cheol wasnt in the way

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i think this is why 90% of the school hates us

 **cant hear from up here:** wait who's sucking who's dick?

 

**chat: mom (2)**

**joshuahong:** can we move back now?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**chat:** **what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[10:01]

 **cant hear from up here:** so i woke up really ill this morning  
**cant hear from up here:** and i've come to a conclusion

 **fuck off:** you drank too much?

 **patrick swayze who:** YOU ATE SOMETHING OFF?

 **suckmydick2k17:** your mother finally got sick and tired of you and put cyanide in your tea?

 **bubble butt:** wOW

 **pure boi:** im very concerned for your home life minghao

 **hot single dad:** anyway mingyu what was your conclusion

 **cant hear from up here:** okay  
**cant hear from up here:** its gonna sound so weird

 **fuck off 2.0:** probably will

 **cant hear from** **up here:** i think im the next virgin mary

 **sssss:**...

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** here we go again

 **spaghetti arms:** mingyu  
**spaghetti arms:** no thats  
s **paghetti arms:** thats not how jesus works

 **hot single dad:** care to explain

 **:D:** im curious!

 **bubble butt:** stop encouraging him

 **cant hear from up here:** no im serious  
**cant hear from up here:** i had morning sickness  
**cant hear from up here:** and stomach pains  
**cant hear from up here:** and, wonwoo, when we were in town, i started feeling dizzy

 **fuck off:** and?

 **cant hear from up here:** we had just passed those preachers  
**cant hear from up here:** what if that was the holy spirit impregnating me

 **fuck off:** you had heatstroke, mingyu

 **fuck off 2.0:** minggu  
**fuck off 2.0:** your a man  
**fuck off 2.0:** a gay man, at that  
**fuck off 2.0:** you dont have a uterus  
**fuck off 2.0:** you mustve slept through 6th grade biology because its physically impossible for you to be pregnant

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** actually isnt there this country thats like developed a way for men to carry children?

 **suckmydick2k17:** who would do that??

 **sssss:** the swedish, probably

 **cant hear from up here:** uh hello can we get back to problem at hand

 **bubble butt:** there is no problem  
**bubble butt:** because youre not the virgin mother  
**bubble butt:** or a virgin, for that matter

 **cant hear from up here:** but cant god do miracles n shit??  
**cant hear from up here:** @joshuahong dont u believe in god n such

 **joshuahong:** yeah?

_bubble butt removed joshuahong from the chat_

**spaghetti arms:**???

 **hot single dad:** seungkwan that was rude

 **bubble butt:** calm your tits i need to talk to him

 

**chat: bubble butt, joshuahong (2)**

_bubble butt changed the chat name to 'dimly lit interrogation room'_

[10:28]

 **bubble butt:** what did we say?

 **joshuahong:**???

 **bubble butt:** your screen name  
**bubble butt:** its too basic  
**bubble butt:** youre a gay asian boy not a straight white chick

 **joshuahong:** i was thinking of one  
**joshuahong:** wait how do u know im gay??

 **bubble butt:** wishful thinking  
**bubble butt:** jeonghan's* wishful thinking

 **joshuahong:** uhm  
**joshuahong:** does he like me?  
**joshuahong:** i mean itd explain why he keeps trying to touch my butt

 **bubble butt:** please, jeonghan's allergic to two things  
**bubble butt:** pine nuts and the entire spectrum of human emotion  
**bubble butt:** the last time he felt love was when seungcheol spent all of his savings on winning him a bunny stuffy from the grabby machine at the arcade  
**bubble butt:** anyway change ur name and i'll add you back in

_bubble butt has left the chat_

_bubble butt has rejoined the chat_

**bubble butt:** also stop flirting with hansol

 **joshuahong:** im not???

 **bubble butt:** yeah, youre not

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (12)**

[10:32]

_bubble butt added west coast represent to the chat_

**bubble butt:** fixed it

 **west coast represent:** i feel like im coming out again

 **sssss:** thats my boy

 **cant hear from up here:** anyway joshua **  
c** **ant hear from up here:** can jesus make men pregnant

 **west coast represent:** uh no  
**west coast represent:** thats just biologically wrong  
**west coast represent:** also jihoons right ur not pregnant  
**west coast represent:** youre probably just ill man

 **:D:** i mean, you never know..

 **fuck off:** yeah, yeah we do dokyeom

 **cant hear from up here:** like how we thought junie being with the same boy for more than two weeks was impossible  
**cant hear from up here:** loan behold he dated minghao for fifteen days

 **suckmydick2k17:** thats low

 **fuck off 2.0:** huh, like jun's standards if he dated you

 **west coast represent:** have you guys ever thought of being nice to each other?

 **patrick swayze who:** JIHOON?? BE NICE TO ANYONE??  
**patrick swayze who:** ON WHAT PLANET

 **fuck off 2.0:** shut up chan your mother still buys you pants with dinosaur prints on them

 **:D:** i think jisoo is right!  
**:D:** we should try and complementing one another some time  
**:D:** show each other some love  
**:D:** all of us

 **sssss:**  suddenly my mom needs me bye guys

_sssss has left the chat_

**fuck off 2.0:**  yeah uh not happening  
**fuck off 2.0:**  the kindest think ill ever do for minghao is tell him when he looks like an idiot

 **spaghetti arms:**  you tell him that everyday tho

 **fuck off 2.0:**  exactly

 **suckmydick2k17:**  yeah id rather cover my body in paper cuts and bathe in a bath full of lemon juice

 **fuck off:**  ouch

 **west coast represent:**  complimenting people is easy  
**west coast represent:** jihoon, your piano piece in music yesterday was amazing!  
**west coast represent:** see its easy

 **fuck off 2.0:**...

 **hot single dad:** wow

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** for the first time in four years lee jihoon is rendered speechless

 **pure boi:** the expected reply is thank you, jihoon

 **fuck off 2.0:** piss off, i know  
**fuck off 2.0:** thanks, joshua

 **west coast represent:** no problem! its nice, right?

 **fuck off 2.0:** hm

 

**chat: bros before hoes(jeonghan) (2)**

[10:47]

 **fuck off 2.0:** seungcheol my heart feels warm  
**f** **uck off 2.0:** what is happening

 **hot single dad:** uh its called emotion  
**hot single dad:** specifically affection

 **fuck off 2.0:** huh  
**fuck off 2.0:** weird

 


	4. Chapter 4

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[14:45]

 **pure boi:** guys  
**pure boi:** guys ****  
pure boi: guys  
**pure boi:**  guys

 **fuck off 2.0:** WHAT

 **pure boi:** whats hyperinflation?

 **bubble butt:** dude you took economics  
**bubble butt:** why are you asking us?

 **pure boi:** you act like i haven't been sleeping in classes since fifth grade

 **sssss:** it's true  
**sssss:** i have to wake him every five fucking seconds in maths

 **pure boi:** by the way, putting thumbtacks down my shirt isn't an effective way to wake me up  
**pure boi:** it just hurts

 **sssss:** yeah no that's the point

 **hot single dad:** guys you're in class please pay attention

 **patrick swayze who:** NO

 **pure boi:** im in a test can someone please tell me what hyperinflation is

 **cant hear from up here:** it's where your gums are really red and swollen and bleeding

 **fuck off:** no mingyu that's inflammation  
**fuck off:** gold star for trying though 

 **west coast represent:** isn't it where a country has so much currency that its value is little?  
**west coast represent:** like when germany was in the depression they just produced a load of money but it meant nothing  
**west coast represent:** i might be wrong though

 **suckmydick2k17:** close, the definition is when a country experiences very high and usually accelerating rates of inflation, rapidly eroding the real value of the local currency, and causing the population to minimize their holdings of local money

 **spaghetti arms:** how tf did u know that

 **suckmydick2k17:** im just that smart

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** he googled it

 **suckmydick2k17:** hansol u fuckin grass

 **cant hear from up here:** why were the germans depressed?

 **bubble butt:** because hitler

 **west coast represent:** nah hitler wasn't relevant until like 1933  
**west coast represent:** it was because there was so much unemployment, like, 6 million of it

 **sssss:** why are we talking about hitler??

 **fuck off 2.0:** minghao needs to know for when he tries to take over the world

 **suckmydick2k17:** my cousin is jewish i take offense to that

 **:D:** i didnt know mingming is jewish

 **spaghetti arms:** he's joking probably

 **suckmydick2k17:** im actually not

 **fuck off:** uh oh, jun add mingming to the list of people you've torn from their religion  
**fuck off:** watch out jisoo you'll be next

 **sssss:** hey we've agreed thats my job

 **west coast represent:** im right here???  
**west coast represent:** don't i get a say on this??

 **sssss:** nah

 **pure boi:** all this chit chat is nice but can we focus on the important things here  
**pure boi:** now, why are businesses finding it hard to raise finance?

 **hot single dad:** listen in your classes and maybe you'd know??

 **patrick swayze who:** OH SHIT  
**patrick swayze who:** CHEOL GOT DRAGGED

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** its really hard to tell when chan is being sarcastic through message

 **pure boi:** calm down papa smurf

 **fuck off:** i think jun needs to  
**fuck off:** learn his lesson

_bubble butt removed fuck off from the chat_

**hot single dad:** seungkwan stop doing that

 **west coast represent:** i thought it was pretty funny

 **bubble butt:** i'll fuckin remove you too

 **:D:** meanie

 **bubble butt:** see now you've got seokmin fighting me too  
**bubble butt:** think you can waltz in here, stop our roasts, flirt with our boyfriends

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i swear to god

 **west coast represent:** for the last time im not flirting with hansol??  
**west coast represent:** he's a friend man

 **cant hear from up here:** whats a friend man?

 **spaghetti arms:** i think he means a friend, man

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** babe, i don't like josh he's too dorky

 **sssss:** wow  
**sssss:** i know you're trying to save your relationship and all but you gotta hit that low  
**sssss:** on a newbie and all

 **west coast represent:** ive been here for like a month am i still considered a newbie

 **suckdick2k17:** you're a newbie until you've sucked dick

 **west coast represent:**...then i wasn't a newbie to begin with

 **patrick swayze who:** WHAT

 **:D:** oh really?

_suckmydick2k17 added fuck off into the chat_

**suckmydick2k17:** YOU OWE ME 10000W

 **fuck off:** what why?

 **bubble butt:** TOLD Y'ALL HED BEEN ON HIS KNEES  
**bubble butt:** HE GOT DICK SUCKIN LIPS I KNEW IT

 **hot single dad:** jisoo i had hoped more from you

 **west coast represent:** first of all, do you guys know how gay california is? every june its just rainbows. everywhere.  
**west coast represent:** second, when did you bet on that??  
**west coast represent:** lastly, sorry dad i didn't know you were high n mighty morally either?!?!

 **cant hear from up here:** fuckkkk

 **suckmydick2k17:** get r o a s t e d cheol

 **fuck off 2.0:** he's so sassy i love it

 **pure boi:** jeonghan i can hear you chuckling from the lit. corridor

 **fuck off 2.0:** in response to your second question, you know they dont actually work during geography right?

 **bubble butt:** what do you mean 'they'  
**bubble butt:** do not tell me you haven't at least thought of it

 

**chat: salty bitch co. (2)**

[15:02]

 **fuck off 2.0:** tell him about the fucking dream i swear to god i will take your entire gym folder and shove it up your ass

 **bubble butt:** a) o u ch been there done that b) i dont take gym theory why would i have that folder c) what tf are you on about??

 **fuck off 2.0:** o h  
**fuck off 2.0:** i told cheol not you  
**fuck off 2.0:** wrong seung, dm ignore this

 **bubble butt:** wait dream?

 **fuck off 2.0:** this never happened

 **bubble butt:** what are you  
**bubble butt:** wait  
**bubble butt:** oh my FUCKING GOD

 **fuck off 2.0:** shutupshutupshutup

 **bubble butt:** lee JiHOON  
**bubble butt:** DID U HAVE A WET DREAM

_fuck off 2.0 has left the chat_

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[15:09]

 **west coast represent:** yeah thats pretty much how it happened

 **sssss:** well hats off to you

 **fuck off 2.0:** hold on what'd i miss

 **pure boi:** the adventure of Hong Jisoo Sucking His First Dick™

 **bubble butt:** god im sure jihoon is bummed he missed that one

 

**chat: salty bitch co. (1)**

[15:10]

_fuck off 2.0 rejoined the chat_

**fuck off 2.0:** im not fucking around  
**fuck off 2.0:** dont say a thing

 **bubble butt:** of course... for a price

 **fuck off 2.0:**....  
**fuck off 2.0:** name it

 


	5. Chapter 5

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[15:57]

 **patrick_swayze:** WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?

 **hot single dad:**???  
**hot single dad:** at our respective houses probably

 **pure boi:** not me  
**pure boi:** im out gettin me some weed

 **west coast represent:** i do hope you're joking

 **fuck off 2.0:** of course he is  
**fuck off 2.0:** the last time he smoked he had an asthma attack

 **sssss:** what he means to say jisoo is that none of us have ever sampled drugs nor cigarettes we are all good children of god amen

 **spaghetti arms:** yeah jihoon we're not meant to tell josh about that time you got so drunk you stole a stop sign  
**spaghetti arms:** we're meant to make him think we're good respectable kids

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** well shit if he ain't used to it by now

 **patrick swayze who:** UH HELLO  
**patrick swayze who:** IM HERE OUTSIDE THE MOVIES ON MY OWN  
**patrick swayze who:** WHERE TF ARE YOU GUYS

 **fuck off:** chan  
**fuck off:** we're meeting at 4pm  
**fuck off:** tomorrow

 **patrick swayze who:**...  
**patrick swayze who:** WELL WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE NOW THEN

 **bubble butt:** maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're absolutely fucking vacuous

 **suckmydick2k17:** look at you  
**suckmydick2k17:** swallowing dictionaries like it was dick

 **bubble butt:**  
....................../´¯/)   
....................,/¯../   
.................../..../   
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸   
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\   
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')   
.........\\.................'...../   
..........''...\\.......... _.·´   
............\\..............(   
..............\\.............\\...

 **suckmydick2k17:** wow  
**suckmydick2k17:** you actually took the time

 **bubble butt:** actually i had it saved so when the moment came where you said something stupid i could respond effectively

 **:D:** guys lets be nice okay  
**:D:** seungkwan say sorry for electronically flipping minghao off  
**:D:** minghao you too

 **suckmydick2k17:** what did i do??

 **bubble butt:** you basically called me a dick slut!

 **sssss:** i mean is he wrong tho?

 **:D:** jeonghanie stay out of this

 **sssss:** damn that's me told

 **:D:** go on guys! say sorry

 **bubble butt:** i can't actually believe but this is for u seokmin  
**bubble butt:** im sorry, minghao, for using a perfectly timed meme against you

 **suckmydick2k17:** nice try but did you guys know im allergic to apologizing?  
**suckmydick2k17:** runs in the family

_:D changed their name to >:^( _

**spaghetti arms:** oh no

 **fuck off:** oh my gosh

 **fuck off 2.0:** smh minghao

 **pure boi:** /scandalized gay gasp/

 **suckmydick2k17:** seokmin sweetie no  
**suckmydick2k17:** there's no need for frowny face

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** he went there

 **cant hear from up here:** who do i have to punch

 **west coast represent:** wait whats going on??  
**west coast represent:** whats wrong with a frowny face

 **hot single dad:** there's something you should know about lee seokmin

 **sssss:** he never NEVER uses frowny face unless

 **bubble butt:** you fucked up real bad

 **west coast represented:** you guys always do the orchestrated reveal its kinda weird

 **> :^(: **minghao!!  
**> :^(: **say sorry

 **fuck off 2.0:** you better say it minghao  
**fuck off 2.0:** we are not responsible for any hard mingyu causes after you upset his bubu

 **suckmydick2k17:** if this were anyone else but seokmin  
**suckmydick2k17:** i would've gone tenfold on your asses  
**suckmydick2k17:** im sorry for insinuating that you were a dick slut

 **spaghetti arms:**!!!! ALARMS BLARING ALARMS BLARING !!!!

 **pure boi:** HELL HAS FROZEN OVER

 **suckmydick2k17:** oh fuck off you guys

_> :^( changed their name to :D_

**bubble butt:** oh phew  
**bubble butt:** go about your business folks the panic is over

 **:D:** we all should really learn to be nice though  
**:D:** it seems like we all hate one another

 **bubble butt:** nonsense  
**bubble butt:** jihoon loves me

 **fuck off:** oh aye

 **cant hear from up here:** jihoon have any other emotion than sarcasm??

 **hot single dad:** sarcasm isn't an emotion minggu

 **bubble butt:** don't you jihoon

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah i guess

 **pure boi:** /scandalized gay gasp/

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** some freaky shit happening today

 **bubble butt:** how nice of you jihoonie what do you like about me

 **spaghetti arms:** jihoonie

 **cant hear from up here:** something's happening and i don't like it

 **fuck off 2.0:** i just think you're an all around great person  
**fuck off 2.0:** talented, funny... yeah

 **sssss:** someone call 991 im having a he a r t attack  
**sssss:** our jihoonie kills me seriously when did you get so funny

 

**chat: salty bitch co. (2)**

[16:12]

_bubble butt renamed the chat to 'seungkwan and his bitch'_

**bubble butt:** convince him otherwise

 **fuck off 2.0:** you're a sick son of a bitch

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[16:13]

 **fuck off 2.0:** im being serious man  
**fuck off 2.0:** my fave out of all of u hoes 

 **pure boi:** am on the weed or is he

 **west coast represent:** none of you are on weed  
**west coast represent:** that's really nice of you jihoon i agree, seungkwan is a great person

 **sssss:** aaaaaaah you're killing me

 

**chat: bros before hoes(jeonghan) (2)**

[16:15]

 **hot single dad:** spill

 **fuck off 2.0:** I ACCIDENTLY TOLD SEUNGKWAN ABOUT THE DREAM ABOUT JISOO AND NOW HE'S TREATING ME LIKE HIS PERSONAL BITCH

 **hot single dad:** you mean the dream where jisoo let you fuck him?  
**hot single dad:** oh a nice bed full of rose petals and candles?

_fuck off 2.0 (@jihoon_lee96) has blocked hot single dad (@papacheol)_

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[16:16]

 **:D:** jisoo and i have the right idea here  
**:D:** we're the peace makers here

 **west coast represent:** we do dokyeom

 **bubble butt:** im sure there are many here who could learn from that, right jihoon?

 

**chat: seungkwan and his bitch (2)**

[16:16]

 **fuck off 2.0:** what are we trying now you infected toe nail

 **bubble butt:** go into a chat with jisoo and ask him to teach you how to be more gentlemanly  
**bubble butt:** i see a screenshot by tomorrow morning or i tell

 


	6. Chapter 6

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[11:24]

 **bubble butt:** y'allllllll  
**bubble butt:** lets give some kudos to junie for throwing the best halloween party i've been to in all my seventeen years of living

 **sssss:** i'll admit it was pretty bomb

 **spaghetti arms:** i think i lost both of my shoes

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** not even kidding tho, how??

 **spaghetti arms:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** you can't use my own username against me

 **hot single dad:** why did you even take your shoes off

 **fuck off 2.0:** he didnt, the lightweight passed out before eleven n they were stolen

 **hot single dad:** you saw??

 **fuck off 2.0:** ha yeah

 **west coast represent:** and you didnt stop them

 **fuck off 2.0:**....was i meant to?

 **west coast represent:** that's generally the expected response

 **fuck off 2.0:** interesting

 **patrick swayze who:** AH JISOO THIS WAS YOUR FIRST PARTY RIGHT

 **west coast represent:** no

 **patrick swayze who:** HOW DYA FIND IT  
**patrick swayze who:** OH

 **west coast represent:** didn't we establish that i'm kinda not the good church boy you all expected me to be?

 **suckmydick2k17:** well, no  
**suckmydick2k17:** because compared to the shit we've done  
**suckmydick2k17:** you kinda look like a saint

 **pure boi:** yeah like that time seungkwan was so drunk he made out with dokyeom in the closet thinking he was hansol  
**pure boi:** poor minnie was just  t r a u m a t i z e d

 **bubble butt:** oh i see we're bringing back christmas party of '16  
**bubble butt:** in that case how about that time junhui was dared to "shoot a line" only to realize it was snow

 **west coast represent:** oh my god

 **pure boi:** hey i knew it was snow, i would never do class A drugs  
**pure boi:** the furthest i'd go is class B

 **spaghetti arms:** you did not you were so off your head you thought the vending machine was something you could put your dick into

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯** : i got the video of that

 **bubble butt:** SEND ME

 **sssss:** but anyway jisoo how did you enjoy the party since it was the first you've been to with your new squad

 **west coast represent:** it was pretty cool  
**west coast represent:** apart from when some dudes threw minghao over the banister

 **suckmydick2k17:** that was fun

 **west coast represent:** and when i walked in on jun with that guy whose name i cant remember

 **suckmydick2k17:** ew less fun

 **fuck off:** wait jun and who

 **pure boi:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯** : stop omg

 **fuck off:** u fucked someone n u dont know their name?

 **pure boi:** yh whats new

 **fuck off:** oh  
**fuck off:** brb

_fuck off has left the chat_

**pure boi:** anyway he was  f i n e

 **west coast represent:** he was and all  
**west coast represent:** i mean i didnt see his face but it sounded like jun liked him

 **patrick swayze who:** I JUST SNORTED MY HANGOVER TEA

 

 **chat:** **thing 1 & thing 2 (2)**

[11:22]

 **fuck off 2.0:** hey buddy why'd you leave the chat?

 **fuck off:** hm? just got busy why

 **fuck off 2.0:** sure

 **fuck off:** i ain't lying

 **fuck off 2.0:** i never said you were  
**fuck off 2.0:** you'd only say that unless you knew i knew you were lying

 **fuck off:** miss me w/ that psychology shit dude

 **fuck off 2.0:** come on tell me whats up man  
**fuck off 2.0:** tell uncle jihoon

 **fuck off:** never  
**fuck off:** ever  
**fuck off:** refer to yourself as uncle jihoon again  
**fuck off:** and nothing's wrong man i swear

 **fuck off 2.0:** you act like i haven't known you for seventeen years

 **fuck off:** more like thirteen since we like didn't start kindergarten until four years old

 **fuck off 2.0:** jeon

 **fuck off:** lee

 **fuck off 2.0:** tell me whats up. i'm meant to be your best friend  
**fuck off 2.0:** i might be a dickhead but it gets to me knowing you're not okay

 **fuck off:** that's like the kindest thing you've ever said to anyone   
**fuck off:** but don't worry okay. i'll be fine  
**fuck off:** plus i can't. the symbol on the jeon family crest is a knight refusing to talk about his feelings

 **fuck off 2.0:** you're such a dork brain you know that  
**fuck off 2.0:** its cool i think i know whats up anyway  
**fuck off 2.0:** and i relate

 **fuck off:**....  
**fuck off:** wym

 **fuck off 2.0:** u like jun  
**fuck off 2.0:** and you get jealous when he's raging about his sexcapades  
**fuck off 2.0:** i get it, man

 **fuck off:** well now i hope you realize i have to kill you for knowing

 **fuck off 2.0:** so i am right

 **fuck off:** hm  
**fuck off:** i just wish he wouldn't be like that yknow  
**fuck off:** i mean like, i don't care that he sleeps around, you do you and all  
**fuck off:** he just sells himself short for it. he has a beautiful body n he lets himself be a cum dumpster

 **fuck off 2.0:** im sorry i just laughed

 **fuck off:** and these guys that fuck him, they probably don't treat his body right  
**fuck off:** like ive seen bites and scratches and bruises all over him

 **fuck off 2.0:** well maybe he likes that?  
**fuck off 2.0:** knowing him

 **fuck off:** yeah knowing him lmao  
**fuck off:** i guess what im trying to say is that he's precious  
**fuck off:** to me anyway. and i just wanna be the one to, yknow  
**fuck off:** treat him right

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah i get you  
**fuck off 2.0:** that was so sappy n sweet awh  
**fuck off 2.0:** im melting

 **fuck off:** yeah  
**fuck off:** but what about you mr. 'i love music nothing else'

 **fuck off 2.0:** hm?

 **fuck off:** "and i relate" "i get it, man"  
**fuck off:** who've you fallen head over heels for

 **fuck off 2.0:** someone  
**fuck off 2.0:** probably  
**fuck off 2.0:** maybe idk  
**fuck off 2.0:** probably just hormones or smth

 **fuck off:** and who is it??

 **fuck off 2.0:** dm  
**fuck off 2.0:** later

_fuck off 2.0 has left the chat_

**fuck off:** what a hippogriff

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (12)**

[11:52]

_fuck off has rejoined the chat_

**hot single dad:** i noticed you didn't drink much jisoo

 **west coast represent:** nah i prefer not to  
**west coast represent:** id prefer if all my senses were all still there

 **bubble butt:** this is why jisoo is the mom friend  
**bubble butt:** sensible but still steals her son's boyfriend

 **west coast represent:** for the last time i. dont. like. hansol

 

**chat: amemericans (2)**

[11:57]

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** why not  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯** : im awesome

 **west coast represent:** YOU ARE NOT HELPING ANYTHING

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[11:59]

 **sssss:** excuse me arent i the mom friend

 **hot single dad:** you dropped mingyu's sister when she was a baby

 **sssss:** she had just come out the bath!! it's not my fault i couldn't get a good grip

 **spaghetti arms:** speaking of lanky legs where is he?  
**spaghetti arms:** and where is seokmin?

 **patrick swayze who:** THEY'RE BOTH STILL PASSED OUT

 **suckmydick2k17:** still??

 **patrick swayze who:** SOMEONE GAVE SEOKMIN STRAIGHT UP VODKA  
**patrick swayze who:** IM ACTUALLY SURPRISED HES NOT DEAD

 **pure boi:** wow  
**pure boi:** who would do such a thing

 **hot single dad:**...

 **west coast represent:**...

 **sssss:**...

 **pure boi:** someone had to get him hammered eventually

 **fuck off 2.0:** mingyu's gonna break your neck

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**chat:** **this is the chat we bitch in (10)**

[12:04]

_bubble butt added westcoast represent to the chat_

**bubble butt:** y'all never guess what i just saw

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** we*

 **suckmydick2k17:** i had a comment lined up but held it off because i know seokmin's in this chat

 **:D:** that's nice but it'd be better if you had no mean comment lined up at all about seungkwan

 **suckmydick2k17:** nice try buttercup

 **west coast represent:** what is this?

 **pure boi:** our bitch chat

 **fuck off:** the chat, in which we bitch

 **:D:** i am against having this chat but i stay involved because i don't like being out the loop

 **cant hear from up here:** i could fill you in

 **:D:** no, thank you minggu you get confused easily

 **spaghetti arms:** id say drag him but there's no way kyeom would ever say something mean on purpose

 **westcoast represent:** someone wanna explain why we have a chat without jeonghan and seungcheol?

 **patrick swayze who:** YOU SEE JEONGHAN AND SEUNGCHEOL ARE RATHER PERCUILAR   
**patrick swayze who:** AT LEAST TO US

 **fuck off:** they've been on this weird on again off again relationship since like eighth grade

 **suckmydick2k17:** im pretty sure they've boned more than once

 **cant hear from up here:** cheol has a really big crush on jeonghan it's so obvi

 **fuck off 2.0:** seungcheol actually flat out told me once and made me promise to not say anything

 **:D:** he said everything

 **fuck off 2.0:** well hitler promised not to invade czechoslovakia, welcome to the real world

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** hitler is mentioned once too many times in our chats...

 **pure boi:** but jeonghan has the emotional range of a teaspoon in honesty so he's kinda been throwing cheol a bone every once and a while

 **westcoast represent:** so jeonghan knows seungcheol has a crush on him and like does nothing?

 **patrick swayze who:** EXACTLY. IT'S LIKE HE'S ALLERGIC TO FEELINGS

 **westcoast represent:** hmm

 **fuck off 2.0:** what you thinking?

 **bubble butt:** wouldn't you like to know

 **westcoast represent:** does he flirt with everyone too?

 **fuck off:** oh yes

 **cant hear from up here:** but you're special though

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yeah it's like josh gets a certain type of his attention

 **west coast represent:**???

 

**chat: one of us had a growth spurt (2)**

[12:16]

 **fuck off 2.0:** explain

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** what

 **fuck off 2.0:** josh gets a certain type of his attention??

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** alright calm down captain subtle  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** have you really never noticed how interested jeonghan is in jisoo?

 **fuck off 2.0:** not really  
**fuck off 2.0:** isn't he interested in everyone at one point though

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yeah but like  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i love jeonghan but it's usually to get into someone's pants  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** then again that's why we love him tbh  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** this special attention makes me think that jeonghan has something for josh

 **fuck off 2.0:** interesting

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** why you so interested anyway?

 **fuck off 2.0:** no reason really

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yeah nice try  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** seungkwan's my boyfriend he tells me everything

 **fuck off 2.0:** kindly pass onto your boyfriend that i'm going to strangle him in music tomorrow

 

 **chat:** **this is the chat we bitch in (11)**

[12:17]

 **bubble butt:** anyway let me try this again  
**bubble butt:** guess what i saw earlier

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** we*

 **bubble butt:** yes, we sorry honey

 **cant hear from up here:** gross

 **:D:** what did you guys see

 **bubble butt:** pretty sure it was cheol and han in the mall  
**bubble butt:** together. drinking a milkshake  
**bubble butt:** from the same. glass

 **spaghetti arms:** who wants to bet jihoon's going to have a confused choi seungcheol in their dms later

 **patrick swayze who:** WAS IT LIKE A DATE

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** looked pretty date-y to us

 **pure boi:** yous should've double dated

 **bubble butt:** what are we, forty-year-old twin sisters?

 **westcoast represent:** they could've just gone as friends

 **bubble butt:** i don't know seungcheol was giving some mad heart eyes

 **suckmydick2k17:** that's like his default expression though

 **:D:** he has very pretty eyes

 **cant hear from up here:** he does

 **fuck off:** that was so gay and soft

 **bubble butt:** anyway what does this mean??

 **suckmydick2k17:** maybe mr. cold and heartless is starting to come to his senses?

 **fuck off 2.0:** i kinda hope so

 **bubble butt:** why would that be?

 **fuck off 2.0:** i once stayed up to four am with a drunk seungcheol on my mom's couch, crying over him. this affects me just as much as it does him

 

**chat: seungkwan and his bitch (2)**

[12:21]

 **bubble butt:** are you sure that's the only reason?

 **fuck off 2.0:** PISS OFF

 

**chat: **this is the chat we bitch in (11)****

[12:21]

 **pure boi:** we've tried telling cheol he needs to either get over his feelings or confront them and jeonghan

 **patrick swayze who:** YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?

 **westcoast represent:** nothing illegal i hope

 **patrick swayze who:** MAKE AND OPERATION GET JEONGHAN AND SEUNGCHEOL TOGETHER

 **spaghetti arms:** that sounds like a terrible idea  
**spaghetti arms:** let's do it

 **:D:** it does kinda sound fun

 **cant hear from up here:** tomorrow, lets crash at mine after school and start formulating

 **westcoast represent:** oh, jihoon and i can't do tomorrow  
**westcoast represent:** we're going to the library

 **fuck off 2.0:** hmhm

 

**chat: seungkwan and his bitch (2)**

[12:23]

 **bubble butt:** /sips tea

 **fuck off 2.0:** i await death

 


	8. Chapter 8

**chat: ♡ we're dating for some reason ♡ (2)**

[17:17]

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** babe

 **bubble butt:** yes honey

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** where's mingyu

 **bubble butt:** i don't know what you mean  
**bubble butt:** im sitting right next to you, why are you texting me

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯** : we have two problems here  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** 1) we're at mingyu's house to discuss operation angel dad with mingyu not actually being here. he said he had to go somewhere when i asked where he said, "seungkwan told me not to tell"

 **bubble butt:** how on earth did that boy pass the third grade

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** 2) we're here to discuss operation angel dad with both angel and dad present

 **bubble butt:** that's why we're watching a film rather than discussing

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** why are they here in the first place??

 **bubble butt:** having all your friends meeting bar two without being suspicious is harder than you think!

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** where did you send mingyu?!

 **bubble butt:** again, i have no idea what you mean

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** ok  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i'll just ask shua to go to the fair with me  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** stop glaring at me, they'll catch on

 **bubble butt:** you wouldn't dare go to the fair without me motherfucker

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i think if i knew where mingyu is i'd be more lenient

 **bubble butt:** ive been too good to you

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** waiting

 **bubble butt:** i just needed some books from the library  
**bubble butt:** you know  
**bubble butt:** about match making

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** why would you need  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:**...   
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** you sent him to spy on jihoon and jisoo didn't you

 **bubble butt:** don't be absurd

**chat: ♡ back up to hansol ♡ (2)**

[17:20]

 **cant hear from up here:** seungkwanie i have a report

 **bubble butt:** hit me

 

**chat: ♡ we're dating for some reason ♡ (2)**

[17:20]

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i just saw your screen you're such a snake

 **bubble butt:** you don't understand okay i have no choice

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yes you do?? you could like not interfere??

 **bubble butt:** it's me we're talking about here baby

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** call him back

 **bubble butt:** but im just curious

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** now

 **bubble butt:** :(

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** don't make me call him myself

 **bubble butt:** fine

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** thank you

 **bubble butt:** i hate when you go all authoritarian on me  
**bubble butt:** imeanitsalsoaturnonbutthatsnotimportant

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** sigh  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** get to the bathroom

 **bubble butt:** my hero

 

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[21:45]

 **cant hear from up here:** seungkwan do you want that report now  
**cant hear from up here:** oh wrong chat

 **patrick swayze who:** REPORT?

 **pure boi:** WHAT REPORT

 **patrick swayze who:** ARE YOU TAKIN THE PISS

 **pure boi:** maybe

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah what report

 **cant hear from up here:** seungkwan told me not to tell

 **bubble butt:** for the last time, mingyu, when i say don't say anything, you don't even mention that i said not to say anything

 

**chat: this is the chat we bitch in 2.0 (0)**

_@seung_kwan.boo made a new chat_

_bubble butt added hot single dad, sssss, pure boi, spaghetti arms, fuck off, :D, suckmydick2k17, cant hear from up here,¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ and partick swayze who to the chat_

[21:48]

 **bubble butt:** mingyu! report

 **cant hear from up here:** they were in the library

 **spaghetti arms:** w h a t s  g o i n g  o n

 **bubble butt:** yes well done sweetie but what were they doing

 **fuck off:** aha so this is the bitch chat for jisoo and jihoon  
**fuck off:** i was wondering when this was going to happen

 **sssss:** 2.0?? there's already a bitch chat? and im not in it??

_bubble butt changed the chat name to 'totally the only bitch chat we have :)))'_

**bubble butt:** don't know what you mean

 **cant hear from up here:** they studied, mostly

 **hot single dad:** hold on you actually made a separate purely to discuss what jisoo and jihoon do?

 **suckmydick2k17:** that's where you're wrong grasshopper, this is to discuss what they do together

 **hot single dad:** is it really our business?

 **pure boi:** of course it is. we're their best friends, everything they do is our business

 **patrick swayze who:** ITS THE LAWS OF BEST FRIEND-ISM GOD CHEOL

 **bubble butt:** okay, apart from studying what else did they do? there's no way they studied for like three hours straight 

 **cant hear from up here:** they took breaks every half hour and talked a bit. i didn't hear much but they laughed a lot and were told to shush  
**cant hear from up here:** they listened to music as well at one point, jihoon looked nervous then

 **sssss:** i didn't even know they had something going on??

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** they don't technically, seungkwan's just nosy and likes making drama

 **bubble butt:** love you too bug xoxo  
**bubble butt:** what did they do after they left?

 **cant hear from up here:** i don't know, seungkwan called me and they saw me

 **hot single dad:** oh THATS why jihoon was cursing seungkwan out in my inbox that makes sense

 **fuck off:** mingyu you had one job and it wasn't to be seen

 **pure boi:** where were they in the library?

 **cant hear from up here:** near the back

 **pure boi:** what aisle?

 **cant hear from up here:** 14

 **pure boi:** AHA blowjob aisle

 **cant hear from up here:** i saw no blowjobs

 **sssss:** no making out, no touching??

 **cant hear from up here:** nope. they sat and studied

 **sssss:** strange

 **:D:** maybe they don't wanna rush things

 **suckmydick2k17:** yeah unlike some people han jisoo and jihoon have dignity 

 **sssss:** says you, you jumped on jun the second he moved here

 **suckmydick2k17:** wouldnt anyone tho

 **pure boi:** awe so sweet

 **patrick swayze who:** ANYWAY BACK TO THE POINT  
**patrick swayze who:** DO ANY OF US HAVE ANY PROOF THEY LIKE ONE ANOTHER

 **bubble butt:** aha you could say that

 **hot single dad:** seungkwan no

 **bubble butt:** seungkwan yes  
**bubble butt:** wait, seungkwan no what?

 **hot single dad:** i know you know so no

 **spaghetti arms:** what do you know what?

 **bubble butt:** ohh come on cheol they need the proof

 **hot single dad:** no means no

 **bubble butt:** i am. bursting

 **sssss:** i wanna know the gossip

 **pure boi:** jihoon had a wet dream

 **bubble butt:** ^^

 **hot single dad:** what?? how did you know??

 **pure boi:**...  
**pure boi:** i was kidding

 **patrick swayze who:** GOD FYDJGCKlGS

 **suckmydick2k17:** HE W HAT 

 **sssss:** AAAAAAAH IM ON THE FLOOR

 **cant hear from up here:** WHATS A WET DREAM

 **fuck off:** when you dream about someone sexually

 **cant hear from up here:** AWE CUTE

 **hot single dad:** none of you can ever tell jihoon that you know btw   
**hot single dad:** he'll lose his shit

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yeah what happens in this chat stays in this chat

 **sssss:** other than that, does anyone have anything else? anything on jisoo's part

 **:D:** i do know jisoo always wants to partner with him in music

 **sssss:** okay so that's on the agenda, to find out if jisoo likes jihoon too  
**sssss:** this is fun, like a match making operation

 **cant hear from up here:** another one?

 **hot single dad:** who else are we getting together

 **bubble butt:** nobody, no one you know

 

**chat: south-west (2)**

[07:45]

 **west coast represent:** hey i think you took my calculator yesterday

 **fuck off 2.0:** ah i did! i'll give it back in first

 **west coast represent:** thanks  
**west coast represent:** are you alright? after yesterday?  
**west coast represent:** you totally blew up on mingyu

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh, yeah sorry about that  
**fuck off 2.0:** just got ticked off. apparently, those pricks don't know the meaning of privacy

 **west coast represent:** yeah, i guess they're just interested hahah. and hey we can always meet up another time  
**west coast represent:** are you free friday? they're showing that new horror film in the cinema and if you're interested, would you like to go?

 **fuck off 2.0:** horror?

 **west coast represent:** yeah. don't tell me you're scared of a lil horror movie  
**west coast represent:** of course, the emoji movie is also playing if you want to see that

 **fuck off 2.0:** uhm i'd rather drown myself in cyanide. ofc i'm not scared... much

 **west coast represent:** hahaha well you can always hold my hand if you need to  
**west coast represent:** like if you want to tho  
**west coast represent:** and you can give me more of your cds to listen to...

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh you liked the one i gave you?

 **west coast represent:** yeah! it was amazing! there's really nothing you cant do you know  
**west coast represent:** and the lyrics were like super cute

 **fuck off 2.0:** thanks! i wrote it thinking of someone actually

 **west coast represent:** oh?

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah..  
**fuck off 2.0:** anyway im gonna miss the bus  
**fuck off 2.0:** see you in class!

 

**chat: bros before hoes(jeonghan) (2)**

[07:50]

 **fuck off 2.0:** if there's a prize for being the worst flirt ever, i just won it

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[11:17]

 **pure boi:** that  
**pure boi:** is what i call a Weekend

 **sssss:** hm yeah i love those two days of rest at the end of a week damn what a hottie

 **suckmydick2k17:** do we wanna know what happened on your weekend jun

 **bubble butt:** ofc you would want to know minghao

 **fuck off 2.0:** arent u shacking up with that guy from the private school across town

 **pure boi:** yep  
**pure boi:** and ooooh daddy-o  
**pure boi:** we shacked  
**pure boi:** schik shaked shakalacked

 **hot single dad:** cease and desist

 **west coast represent:** why is this chat so often stories of jun's sex life nowadays

 **pure boi:** its a friendship thing jisoo  
**pure boi:** im fucking boys in honor of you who cant

 **patrick swayze who:** ARENT WE ALL TECHNICALLY CAPABLE OF FUCKING BOYS  
**patrick swayze who:** LIKE THEORETICALLY

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** true but some of us sub i guess

 **bubble butt:** yeah like you

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** BABE

 **fuck off:** who's the private school guy?

 **:D:** jun's been talking to this guy what's his name?

 **pure boi:** sicheng  
**pure boi:** he's so cute omg

 **suckmydick2k17:** is hell freezing over or is wen junhui catching feelings for someone?

 **pure boi:** please honey the devil has his jumper on

_fuck off left the chat_

**pure boi:** anyway whats up with wonwoo

 **west coast represent:** idk i was just talking to him n he seemed fine

 **pure boi:** is it just me or does he always seem to leave the chat when i talk

 **sssss:** maybe he's just sick of your shit  
**sssss:** tbh im not far behind

 **fuck off 2.0:** g o d

 **bubble butt:** i bet jihoon knows

 **hot single dad:** seungkwan dont shit stir

 **bubble butt:** but its fun

 **hot single dad:** its mean

 **bubble butt:** how come when you're having fun, it's fun but when im having fun it's always wrong

 **pure boi:** jihoon do u know whats up with him?

 **fuck off 2.0:** nah

 **cant hear from up here:** i almost drowned this weekend

 

**chat: tolerance is key (2)**

[11:27]

 **pure boi:** you know don't you

 **fuck off 2.0:** oF COURSE I DO  
**fuck off 2.0:** NOT LIKE IM HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND OR ANYTHING

 **pure boi:** WELL TELL ME THEN

 **fuck off 2.0:** ITS NOT THAT EASY

 **pure boi:** YEAH IT IS  
**pure boi:** YOU USE YOUR THUMBS TO TYPE OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY

 **fuck off 2.0:** FUCK OFF  
**fuck off 2.0:** listen he told me confidence okay? i cant tell you but you should talk to him

 

**chat: 10 and 10.5 (2)**

[11:30]

 **pure boi:** do you hate me?

 

**chat: thing 1 & thing 2 (2)**

[11:30]

 **fuck off:** did YOU TELL HIM

 **fuck off 2.0:** NO I JUST HEAVILY HINTED

 

**chat: 10 and 10.5 (2)**

[11:31]

 **fuck off:** of course i don't jun

 **pure boi:** it just makes me super confused n guilty when you suddenly leave the chat  
**pure boi:** because you always do it when i talk

 **fuck off:** i don't mean to make you upset im sorry

 **pure boi:** i don't want you to be sorry, i just wanna know why

[11:45] 

 **pure boi:** wonwoo please dont ignore me okay?

 **fuck off:** im sorry its just hard to explain

 **pure boi:** do it in sciency speak  
**pure boi:** youre good at that right?

 **fuck off:** basically, you make my heart have premature ventricular contractions

 

**chat: tolerance is key (2)**

[11:47]

 **pure boi: [image attached]  
pure boi: **the fuck does that mean

 **fuck off 2.0:** basically you make his heart skip a beat  
**fuck off 2.0:** YOU MAKE HIS HEART SKIP A BEAT  
**fuck off 2.0:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

**chat: 10 and 10.5 (2)**

[11:48]

 **pure boi:** oh

 **fuck off:** wait you knew what that meant??

 **pure boi:** uhm yeah i passed tenth grade biology

 **fuck off:** jun you slept through the entire of the year

 **pure boi:** so what does this mean??  
**pure boi:** you like me?

[11:52]

 **fuck off:** i dont want you to be awkward about it  
**fuck off:** since you have your new boyfriend and all  
**fuck off:** so dont worry, i'll sort it out okay

 **pure boi:** i dont want that  
**pure boi:** for you to sort it out i mean  
**pure boi:** i always thought you thought i was a disgusting slut

 **fuck off:** oh god no, never  
**fuck off:** i mean, i always think you shouldnt let others treat you like that tho

 **pure boi:** what?

 **fuck off:** youre so beautiful jun  
**fuck off:** i dont think all these boys you have sex with know that enough  
**fuck off:** sure a lot of people call you pretty boy  
**fuck off:** but i don't think they really know

 **pure boi:** this is all a little overwhelming

 **fuck off:** im sorry

 **pure boi:** no please don't be  
**pure boi:** good overwhelming  
**pure boi:** like, i kind of just never expected this to happen  
**pure boi:** i mean i wanted it to  
**pure boi:** i just always thought you saw me as some slutty thing that's below you  
**pure boi:** idk just since you're a virgin and all

 **fuck off:** the others don't know that  
**fuck off:** just you and hoon  
**fuck off:** i thought that made you think i was a weird prude

 **pure boi:** you told me too?

 **fuck off:** i love the idea that i can hold you close enough to trust you  
**fuck off:** i don't care if you don't like me back, i can get over you that way  
**fuck off:** just as long as you don't end up hating me

 **pure boi:** so you do like me

 **fuck off:** yeah

[12:01]

 **pure boi:** jesus christ wonwoo i've been trying to get over you since eighth grade  
**pure boi:** why didnt you say anything

 **fuck off:** i was scared  
**fuck off:** you've always been like this cool senior guy that ive never been able to touch  
**fuck off:** ive always wanted to be that person you go to rather than going to find a dick but i was so terrified of rejection of you thinking bad of me

 **pure boi:** ive been bawling my eyes out you have no idea  
pure boi: if i could exchange all the dicks ive had for you i would  
**pure boi:** okay that sounded a lot more romantic in my head

 **fuck off:** it's okay i think i understand that  
**fuck off:** so what happens now

 **pure boi:** can you come over? i think we need to talk  
**pure boi:** maybe kiss idk if you wanna  
**pure boi:** i can't believe i just said that

 **fuck off:** im actually sitting in church right now  
**fuck off:** and jisoo's been making weird hand signals at me for like forty minutes  
**fuck off:** service ends in five  
**fuck off:** if you still wanna kiss about it  
**fuck off:** talk*  
**fuck off:** i was thinking about kissing fuck sorry

 **pure boi:** oh trust me i was too  
**pure boi:** shit you're making my heart go a million a minute  
**pure boi:** and wonwoo?

 **fuck off:** yeah?

 **pure boi:** no one's ever called me beautiful before  
**pure boi:** so thank you

 **fuck off:** <3  
**fuck off:** i'll be there soon

 **pure boi:** so we can talk(kiss)

 **fuck off:** yeah, so we can talkiss

 


	10. Chapter 10

**chat:** **we fucked ONCE (2)**

[14:56]

 **sssss:** they're stupid  
**sssss:** they're all stupid

 **hot single dad:** i know  
**hot single dad:** wait. who?

 **sssss:** the kids  
**sssss:** HA they don't know a thing

 **hot single dad:** i'm intrigued but im also in the middle of an assessment

 **sssss:** who cares about your drama grade this is more important

[14:28]

 **hot single dad:** finished. go on

 **sssss:** nah cba now

 **hot single dad:** no i hate when you do that

 **sssss:** talk costs

 **hot single dad:** we're typing

 **sssss:** my thumbs get paid for the exercise

 **hot single dad:** han

 **sssss:** $$$

 **hot single dad:** you give me wrinkles

 **sssss:** alright fine if you're going to give me the puppy eyes  
**sssss:** that's right i see you in the back of the class  
**sssss:** this seemed a lot less creepy in my head  
**sssss:** look to the left  
**sssss:** there we go, hi!

 **hot single dad:** why are you cutting class

 **sssss:** really that's your first question  
**sssss:** not "why are you SITTING ON THE FUCKING ROOF OF THE ART ROOM???"

 **hot single dad:** that was coming next  
**hot single dad:** i just care about your education

 **sssss:** and not about me breaking my neck?

 **hot single dad:** if you know its dangerous why are you up there??

 **sssss:** thought it'd be fun

 **hot single dad:** jun dared you didn't he

 **sssss:** FOR $20

 **hot single dad:** you're mad

 **sssss:** for u

 **hot single dad:** and you said i was the gross one

 **sssss:** well then we had sex and i found out we were both gross  
**sssss:** anyway i was talking to josh about jihoon  
**sssss:** meaning i backed him into a metaphorical corner and bullied it out of him  
**sssss:** cute by the way, i'll tell you about it later  
**sssss:** but he let slip about a group chat they have about us  
**sssss:** and they think they KNOW

 **hot single dad:** know what??

 **sssss:** don't play dumb, dumbo  
**sssss: they know something's on with us  
****sssss:** and they think you like me  
**sssss:** i swear i was so close to telling jisoo that friends with benefits has a strong emphasis on FRIENDS lmao

 **hot single dad:** lol that's funny

 **sssss:** yeah, josh was like, "all i know is that they say seungcheol has a crush on you and that you're oblivious"  
**sssss:** then begged me not to hurt him as i held a paintbrush to his throat  
**sssss:** he's so cute sometimes

 **hot single dad:** adorable

 **sssss:** can you believe it though? they think i'd be oblivious?

 **hot single dad:** you can be ditzy sometimes  
**hot single dad:** like that time you thought eggs were a vegetable 

 **sssss:** I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT FOOD GROUP THEY COME FROM  
**sssss:** but anyway, i think i'd guess if you had a crush on me

 **hot single dad:** oh?

 **sssss:** yeah i mean it's not like ive known you for all my life  
**sssss:** you're like my best friend, of course, i'd know

 **hot single dad:** what did you tell jisoo?

 **sssss:** that he's stupid and he's lucky he's hot  
**sssss:** ngl i would go for him if jihoon hadn't of swooped in  
**sssss:** its funny i always thought he had the hots for you

 **hot single dad:** jihoon?! please  
**hot single dad:** he's like my brother

 **sssss:** omg same  
**sssss:** except i never wanted a brother

 **hot single dad:** do you like him tho  
**hot single dad:** jisoo i mean

 **sssss:** eh idk  
**sssss:** he's cute and all  
**sssss:** totally a bottom  
**sssss:** maybe if he and jihoon don't work out i'll take a swing

 **hot single dad:** what about wonwoo and jun tho  
**hot single dad:** crazy, right?

 **sssss:** n u t s  
**sssss:** im more betrayed, actually  
**sssss:** my bachelor friend has left me for the love life  
**sssss:** i now bachelor alone

 **hot single dad:** hey you have me

 **sssss:** you're hardly a bachelor cheol  
**sssss:** you're hot, but you're no slut my friend

 **hot single dad:** i'll take it  
**hot single dad:** i think they're cute tho

 **sssss:** hm they seem like the couple that are gonna have a family and a dog and a house with a white picket fence  
**sssss:** sounds gross

 **hot single dad:** sounds sweet

 **sssss:** that's so seungcheol of you to think that

 **hot single dad:** guilty as charged  
**hot single dad:** it's my weakness, really

 **sssss:** nah it's not that bad  
**sssss:** someone else is really gonna love that  
**sssss:** god this is suddenly so sappy ew  
**sssss:** i feel i need to dick you now i've said that

 **hot single dad:** oh how romantic  
**hot single dad:** parents aren't home so mine?

 **sssss:** sounds perfect  
**sssss:** but uh imma need your help

 **hot single dad:**??

 **sssss:** i cant exactly get down

 **hot single dad:** im on my way

 **sssss:** what a prince <333

 

**chat: this is the chat we bitch in (11)**

[16:08]

 **west coast represent:** houston we have a problem

 **cant hear from up here:** who's houston?

 **:D:** a place in texas

 **suckmydick2k17:** no and no

 **west coast represent:** its a figure of speech

 **cant hear from up here:** weird

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i thought you were against this chat?

 **west coast represent:** i am  
**west coast represent:** if you guys dont want to hear my news then fine

 **bubble butt:** s p i l l 

 **westcoast represent:** jeonghan officially has no idea cheol likes him

 **fuck off 2.0:** get out??

 **west coast represent:** no joke

 **spaghetti arms:** how the hell does it not

 **patrick swayze who?:** HE DID ONCE THINK EGGS WERE A VEGETABLE

 **suckmydick2k17:** what an idiot

 **bubble butt:** how did you come to this information?

 **west coast represent:** he held a paintbrush to my throat and threatened to ruin my paper mache duck unless i told him about something  
**west coast represent:** i ended up letting slip about this chat then told him that cheol MAY HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM  
**west coast represent:** he was like "nah i would know"

 **bubble butt:** JISOO YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT THE CHAT

 **west coast represent:** MY DUCK WAS IN DANGER  
**west coast represent:** but yeah we have an issue, jeonghan is oblivious

 **fuck off 2.0:** has anyone seen wonwoo btw  
**fuck off 2.0:** he still has my practical book

 **spaghetti arms:** yeah wonwoo told me he was going to the library with jun

 **suckmydick2k17:** who wants to place bets that they're in aisle 14 right now

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) uhm  
> 2) im back from the dead?? sorry its been like 3 months i got reall... lazy n you know school happened so thats also a thing im dealing with i hope you all didnt abandon me in that time  
> 3) i would also like to apologie for whatever shit storm this kicks up,, your expected scheduling of banter will be happening after this i felt this fic needed a bit of a clean up?? lmao ily thank you for reading im sorry again thank you bye <3

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[16:29]

 **pure boi:** not gonna lie  
**pure boi:** why is the chat d e a d

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh i dont know  
**fuck off 2.0:** maybe something's going on  
**fuck off 2.0:** like finals

 **cant hear from up here:** hoonie you should know finals are happening  
**cant hear from up here:** you were sitting one today

 **suckmydick2k17:** r/wooosh

 **fuck off 2.0:** call me hoonie one more time

 **fuck off:** btw mingyu when he says to do something one more time, you dont do it

 **spaghetti arms:** i learned that the hard way

 **sssss:** hey jisoo have u heard the story of how soonyoung broke his nose

 **west coast represent:** did jihoon punch him

 **fuck off 2.0:** no!!  
**fuck off 2.0:** i hit him with a skateboard

 **hot single dad:** oh, that's better

 **patrick swayze who:** HE PROBABLY LIKED IT

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** hey remember that time soonyoung had a crush on jihoon

 **spaghetti arms:** we do not  
**spaghetti arms:** speak  
**spaghetti arms:** of anything i did in sixth grade

 **bubble butt:** sixth grade us was amazing

 **fuck off 2.0:** you thought that if you shoved socks down your shirt you could join the girls' volleyball team, seungkwan

 **bubble butt:** and you had a fucking mullet, jihoon

 **sssss:** I FUCKING REMEMBER HIS MULLET

 **fuck off 2.0:** i will literally end anyone's life that mentions my m*llet from this point on

 **west coast represent:** wait jihoon u had a mullet  
**west coast represent:** oh  
**west coast represent:** ignore me, i sent that at the wrong time

 **suckmydick2k17:** KILL HIM JIHOON

 **:D:** no one is killing anyone!  
**:D:** jihoon already killed us with his sixth-grade hairstyle

 **fuck off:** GET IT SEOKMIN

 **fuck off 2.0:** don't think i won't hurt you sunshine boy

 **cant hear from up here:** try fucker

 **sssss:** so much is happening right now   
**sssss:** i love my friends

 **:D:** we love you too

 **bubble butt:** do we really?

 **hot single dad:** jisoo do you want to see a picture of jihoon's mullet

 **fuck off 2.0:** no he does not, jisoo, no you do not

 **west coast represent:** i kinda do

 **pure boi:** drag a bitch

 **fuck off 2.0:** do. not. seungcheol.  
**fuck off 2.0:** istg you will not live past christmas

 **hot single dad:** (i'll show you later josh)

 **west coast represent:** (thanks b)

 **:D:** speaking of christmas!!

 **patrick swayze who:** GOOD SEGWAY

 **cant hear from up here:** oh i love segways!

 **:D:** i think we should do something this year during winter break

 **sssss:** drink?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** get high?

 **hot single dad:** repent our sins and go to church?

 **bubble butt:** please we do that every year  
**bubble butt:** apart from the jesus thing  
**bubble butt:** that shit's too wild for us

 **:D:** my uncle has a ski lodge further up north

 **pure boi:** how far north

 **:D:** not /north/ north  
**:D:** but north enough that there are hills and snow and we could go snowboarding

 **suckmydick2k17:** and get drunk?

 **:D:** well no adults would be there

 **spaghetti arms:** a ski lodge full of horny ass teens and no parents? hell yeah!

 **sssss:** sounds like a party

 **patrick swayze who:** DOES SOUND QUITE FUN

 **:D:** so yeah if you guys want to come up with me during the first week of winter break we could have loads of fun!

 **fuck off:** a ski lodge up north where we will all be staying in the snow  
**fuck off:** stranded  
**fuck off:** have none of you seen basically any horror film

 **west coast represent:** i do love horror films

 **fuck off 2.0:** i know. you made me watch tons of them

 **west coast represent:** you said you liked them!

 **fuck off 2.0:** i lied, i was scared shitless

 **west coast represent:** why didn't you tell me then! we could've watched something else :(

 **bubble butt:** uh oh

 **sssss:** trouble in paradise?

 **west coast represent:** what?

 **fuck off 2.0:** babe i was kidding dw  
**fuck off 2.0:** i liked some of them, i just wasn't keen on the nightmares

 **pure boi:** chOKES

 **suckmydick2k17:** DID JIHOON JUST

 **spaghetti arms:** jihoon JUST

 **west coast represent:** what??

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh  
**fuck off 2.0:** sorry autocorrect mate*

 **sssss:** BECAUSE MATE AUTOCORRECTS TO BABE IM CRYING

 **bubble butt:** suddenly jihoon's a cockney

 **fuck off 2.0:** get off my dick, jesus

 **cant hear from up here:** why is jesus on your dick

 

**chat: totally the only bitch chat we have :))) (11)**

[16:59]

 **cant hear from up here:** guys!!  
**cant hear from up here:** jihoon just called jisoo babe!

_suckmydick2k17 removed cant hear from up here (@kimgyu) from the chat_

 

chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)

[17:00]

 **hot single dad:** you gonna comment on this jisoo?

 **west coast represent:** so dokyeom are we on for the ski trip?

 **:D:** totally!

 **fuck off:** oof you got pied

 **west coast represent:** text me details when you sort stuff out, okay?  
**west coast represent:** my literature final is tomorrow so i'll message you all later!

_west coast represent left the chat_

**sssss:** oh my good fucking god

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** well that was a bit awkward

 **fuck off 2.0:** thanks, pricks  
**fuck off 2.0:** couldn't of just helped me out for a sec there

 **sssss:** oh come on hoon  
**sssss:** if wonu or jun or anyone had accidentally called someone babe we would've done the same

 **fuck off 2.0:** i doubt that

 **sssss:** what just because you've not had a boyfriend before and your little virgin heart is tender you want me to treat you differently?

 **hot single dad:** guys this isn't needed rn

 **pure boi:** ouch, low blow han

 **fuck off 2.0:** oh fuck off will you   
**fuck off 2.0:** i was hoping you'd maybe not be twat and fucking embarrass me in front of the only guy ive ever liked!  
**fuck off 2.0:** and since half of you shits cant keep your goddamn mouths shut, of course i know you know

 **patrick swayze who:** FROM WHO

 **fuck off 2.0:** who the fuck do you think  
**fuck off 2.0:** mingyu, the dumb idiot has a mouth the size of the atlantic

 **:D:** hey! i know you're mad but you don't have to make digs at mingyu

 **fuck off 2.0:** i told some of you things that i trusted people in not telling and still you fucking talk shit

 **fuck off:** okay this is getting out of hand lets just calm down

 **bubble butt:** us?? may i remind you that it was you jihoon who told us everything seungcheol said about jeonghan

 **sssss:** wait what?

 **spaghetti arms:** oh no

hot **single dad:** jihoon?  
**hot single dad:** you told him?!

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** seungkwan you didn't need to say that

 **bubble butt:** you gonna take his side?!

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** babe im not taking anyone's side im trying to stop you all from hurting each other

 **hot single dad:** jihoon i can't believe you told them

 **pure boi:** to be fair cheol you told us about jihoon's dream too

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** jun seriously, all of you stop

 **sssss:** see! you sure to like to think the worlds against you dont you jihoon  
**sssss:** we're all as bad as each other

 **fuck off 2.0:** dont you have another sti to clean jeonghan?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** JIHOON **  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THE NEXT PERSON WHO TYPES ANOTHER GODDAMN WORD IS GETTING LOCKED OUT

_sssss has left the chat_

**fuck off 2.0:** i'm sick of this shit

_fuck off 2.0 has left the chat_

**spaghetti arms:** well  
**spaghetti arms:** we seem to have a big problem on our hands

 


	12. Chapter 12

**chat: intervention (0)**

_@hansolvernon created a new chat_

_¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ added hot single dad, sssss, west coast represent, pure boi, fuck off, spaghetti arms, fuck off 2.0, :D, cant hear from up here, suckmydick2k17, bubble butt and patrick swayze who to the chat_

[12:43]

 **fuck off 2.0:** i don't want to be here

_fuck off 2.0 left the chat_

_¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  added fuck off 2.0_

**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** tough luck, you're staying so sit the fuck down

 **bubble butt:**  who made you mad baby

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** we made me mad  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** me joshua and seokmin have decided our friendship group has a problem  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** a seriously bitchy, catty, problematic problem

 **fuck off 2.0:** problematic problem, good language

 **sssss:** im so glad you three can just decide things about our friendship group, hansol

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** zip it shrimpy

 **hot single dad:** shirmpy??

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** listen, we've all done some dickhead things in the years we've known each other  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i'll be the first to admit that  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** and what i don't want is for this friends group to crumble because we're all dumb teenagers

 **pure boi:** alien boy has a point

 **suckmydick2k17:** agreed

 **sssss:** no offense sol but why do you care so much??  
**sssss:** i get we're friends but even if i currently despise one of them how does it affect you?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** because im an orphan jeonghan and before high school i didnt have a family  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i saw kids come and go and even if you're all slightly fucked up sexual deviants you're the closest i'll ever get to a having one

 **spaghetti arms:** shit man

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** yeah  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** so for the sake of us, can we please try to fix us?

 **fuck off:** what do you want us to do bro

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i want us to give whoever wants to a chance to say something to people who've upset us

 **patrick swayze who:** SO ITS BASICALLY A BIG CALL OUT FEST?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** kinda except we're not attacking, we're explaining, resolving, forgiving and moving on

 **west coast represent:** i think we're all capable of that

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** listen, i'll go first  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** seungkwan baby i love you lots  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** but you gotta let go of some things  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** if you so much as smell some beef on the grill, you have to be involved  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** and it gets me because you're so involved in other people's business you barely have any time for ours

 **:D:** and so seungkwan this is your chance to explain and apologize

 **hot single dad:** i like the tone of this whole thing

 **bubble butt:** i never really thought about it that way nonie.. like, i like drama, its like watching a trainwreck

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** but with you its like seeing a trainwreck and rather than helping you douse the passengers with kerosene and watch and laugh  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** my point is that you gotta stop that and know how to walk away from it, it's toxic

 **bubble butt:** okay  
**bubble butt:** okay i understand. i am sorry. i didn't know it got to you like that  
**bubble butt:** i'll do better, i love you  
**bubble butt:** and i'm sorry to jeonghan and seungcheol and jisoo and jihoon for making chats to talk about you behind your backs. jihoon, i'm sorry i told everyone your secret. minghao, i'm sorry i always make bitchy comments towards you

 **suckmydick2k17:** about that, i never really take offense to them  
**suckmydick2k17:** for you guys, it may be different, but i guess i show my comfortability around you by lightly bullying you  
**suckmydick2k17:** it kinda lets me know you're my friends and i can trust you but i never really stopped to check  
**suckmydick2k17:** to everyone who's been hurt by one of my comments, i am sorry and i'll be sorry if i make them again

 **:D:** i think its when we don't know you're joking i get scared  
**:D:** i'll say as much as that i do find your comments funny, but i started to notice, 'hey minghao makes these all the time' so i started to try and stop you all from making them in case anyone was hurt  
**:D:** i know you all like to think of me as someone to put in your pocket and love and protect, but the feelings mutual.. i want to look after you guys too  <3

 **west coast represent:** okay i wanna go next  
**west coast represent:** i just want to tell you guys that when i came to you all at first, i was really shy  
**west coast represent:** and i won't lie, it scared me how out there you all were. i've not really had a /group/ of friends before and i felt so much pressure to fit in with you. and when you kept making side comments about things like my sex life and my apparent dick sucking lips and all that it really did scare me  
**west coast represent:** being friends with you now, i know that that's what you all are like, and i've come to love that, ive come to /enjoy/ being a part of that crowd. but there's a limit and what i want to share with you is what i want to share with you, and its my choice when and how much i say. i know you all mean well, but to a kid who's moved from across the world and has never been so surrounded before it was a culture shock and a half

 **hot single dad:** i guess we'd been so used to just each other for so long that taking into consideration something different was... different **  
hot single dad:** we're sorry

 **west coast represent:** its okay. like i said, ive come to enjoy all of your's intrusive nature. really makes me feel like people yknow care about me  
**west coast represent:** in a bit of an odd, twisted way

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** does anyone want to say next?

 **hot single dad:** jihoon, im undeniably pissed that you told everyone my secrets too. but im willing to look past it if i just know i can trust you  
**hot single dad:** like hansol said, we've all done some pretty shit things and i just want to be able to say "okay that happened but now we can promise not to do that again"  
**hot single dad:** can you do that for me?

 **fuck off 2.0:** of course i can   
**fuck off 2.0:** im sorry i kept snapping when certain things came up. im sorry i went behind a lot of your's backs and talked shit and did stuff that i knew that i'd hate if it happened to me  
**fuck off 2.0:** ive been a hypocrite bitch and didn't stop to think how this kinda shit would hurt people i thought it was all fun.  
**fuck off 2.0:** jeonghan, im sorry for the low blow the other day. i was just so ignorantly mad that i didn't know where the line was until i knew i'd stepped over it

 **sssss:** that was my biggest problem with you jihoon, you never seemed to realize when you were doing the things that you hated happening to yourself  
**sssss:** you thought it was fun to talk about me and cheol, but suddenly turned into mother theresa when we talked about you and josh. and it pissed me off so damn much that i just flew off the handle  
**sssss:** and im sorry for the things i said as well

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** anyone else got to say anything?

 **spaghetti arms:** actually yes this is a psa to wen junhui and jeon wonwoo  
**spaghetti arms:** stop giving each other blowjobs in the school library  
**spaghetti arms:** keep that shit in aisle 14

 **patrick swayze who:** W O W

 **fuck off:** way to ruin the mood, soonyoung

 **pure boi:** dont be mad you not getting any blowies

 **bubble butt:** please have you seen wonwoo's chapped lips

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** and just like that our sentimental moment is over  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** as you were children

 **:D:** wait let me just say this  
**:D:** no more separate bitch chats, no more spilling secrets. if someone wants to tell one person something, they are allowed to, if someone wants to tell all of us, they are allowed to. i dont want us to treat each other like objects to talk about. we're friends we gotta work things out together okay?

 **bubble butt:** i can work with that

 **cant hear from up here:** i love you seokmin

 **bubble butt:** oh

 **suckmydick2k17:** uHM

 **cant hear from up here:** i thought we were confessing things sorry

 **west coast represent:** mingyu honey not like that

 **cant hear from up here:** oh  
**cant hear from up here:** ok sorry

 **:D:** its okay mingyu  
**:D:** i love you too

 **fuck off:** wHAT IS HAPPENING

 **cant hear from up here:** do you want to be my boyfriend?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** dont you two wanna talk about this in a private chat??

 **sssss:** im LITERALLY CHOKING SEND HELP

 **:D:** i'd love to mingyu

 **hot single dad:** im so confused yet so happy

 **:D:** do you want to be mine?

 **patrick swayze who:** WHAT WHAT WHAT OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

 **cant hear from up here:** yes please

 **fuck off 2.0:** what in god's name just happened

 **pure boi:** and it was on this day that the purest couple ever was born  
**pure boi:** you're gonna have beautiful kids

 


	13. Chapter 13

**chat: what the fuck happened to us (13)**

[11:23]

 **west coast represent:** okay so jun and i are going to be a bit late getting to the cabin guys

 **sssss:** what did jun do now

 **pure boi:** why do you assume the worst of me

 **fuck off:** the worst of you is all of you

 **pure boi:** hey

 **fuck off:** <3

 **west coast represent:** it was my fault anyway something weird happened at the gas station and we ran out of gas halfway up the freeway

 **pure boi:** by something weird, he means he didn't have his wallet so he had to suck the clerk off and who still only gave us half a full tank

 **hot single dad:** oh my god

 **west coast represent:** that absolutely did not happen  
**west coast represent:** i just didn't pump it right

 **bubble butt:** yeah that why the clerk only gave you half

 **west coast represent:** im pretty sure that's illegal

 **sssss:** if any of us were to suck dick for gas it'd be jisoo

 **west coast represent:** god help me how did i get here

 **cant hear from up here:** you didn't suck him right

 **west coast represent:** gyu,,

 **spaghetti arms:** hey im sure joshua's dicc succ skills are perfectly alright

 **west coast represent:** thank you?

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** ask his ex

 **west coast represent:** please dont

 **suckmydick2k17:** if his blowjob skills were okay then he wouldn't have an ex

 **west coast represent:** there's more to relationships than oral minghao

 **patrick swayze who:** IS THERE REALLY THOUGH?

 **west coast represent:** chan you're like half a virgin

 **patrick swayze who:** KEYWORD HALF

_suckmydick2k17 changed their name to suckJOSHUA'Sdick2k17_

**west coast represent:**  i honestly feel so attacked right now

 **:D:** ok that's enough about jisoo's dick sucking skills  
**:D:** or lack thereof who knows

 **west coast represent:** hey!

 **:D:** okay so in terms of rooming at the cabin:  
**:D:** there are two rooms with double beds and one smaller one with two singles  
**:D:** the rest can sleep on various blowup beds or the sofas  
**:D:** me and mingyu are sharing one double, who wants the other

 **bubble butt:** CLAIMED

 **pure boi:** CLAIMED  
**pure boi:** SHIT

 **bubble butt:** HA

 **:D:** who wants to take the single?

 **hot single dad:** jeonghan wanna room? it'll just be like at summer camp

 **sssss:** sure why not

 **spaghetti arms:** oh please no id like to sleep at night and not hear you two go at it like jackhammers  
**spaghetti arms:** chan and i will take that one, hao do you want to shove a blowup bed between the singles

 **suckJOSHUA'S** **dick2k17:** and risk your ass falling on me like you did to josh? no thanks i'll take the sofa

 **west coast represent:** pls change ur name

_suckJOSHUA'Sdick2k17 changed their name to dicc van dyke_

**west coast represent:** are you okay? do you want us to have a dick support group?

 **hot single dad:** oh come on soonie let us have the single room

 **fuck off:** you're really bad at being subtle cheol

 **fuck off 2.0:** tbh i'd rather have them do the dirty in their own room rather than in the middle of the rest of us

 **sssss:** yeah we won't even fuck that loud

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** i just love how cheol doesn't even try to deny he and jeonghan are gonna have sex

 **:D:** josh, do you want to go into the single?

 **sssss:** oh id love to share with josh

 **fuck off 2.0:** i'll share with jisoo

 **pure boi:** oh thank god jeonghan's not gonna corrupt him yet

 **hot single dad:** wait you're gonna let wen 'sir fucks a lot' junhui share with his boyfriend but not let me share with jeonghan?

 **:D:** yes

 **patrick swayze who:** OF COURSE

 **:D:** so jisoo and jihoon will share the single room

 **west coast represent:** sounds good to me

 **fuck off 2.0:** mhm

 **bubble butt:** well at least if they fuck it'll be quiet

_fuck off 2.0 removed bubble butt from the chat_

**west coast represent:** jihoon

_fuck off 2.0 added bubble butt to the chat_

**bubble butt:** you're a goddamn snake you know that

 **fuck off 2.0:** hissssss

 **spaghetti arms:** okay but is no one going to question that seokmin and mingyu have been together for a week and we're letting them sleep together

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯:** well i mean it is his house

 **hot single dad:** IN THIS HOUSE WE RESPECT GYUSEOK

 **dicc van dyke:** cheol stop being weird

 **:D:** okay the rest of you can just figure where else you wanna sleep im going to take a nap

 **sssss:** ok,, gyu is rubbing off on seok  
**sssss:** and not in the good way

 **west coast represent:** the good way??

 **hot single dad:** you dont even want to know

 

**chat: bros before hoes(jeonghan) (2)**

[11:58]

 **fuck off 2.0:** cheol cheol cheol CHEOL CHEOL CHEOL

 **hot single dad:** i know

 **fuck off 2.0:** cHEOL CHEOL im FUCKING gonna PASS TF OUT

 **hot single dad:** you are so whipped

 **fuck off 2.0:** please swap with me

 **hot single dad:** what?? no??  
**hot single dad:** you know that will send off all the wrong signals?

 **fuck off 2.0:** i cant just SLEEP NEXT TO HIM cheol ILL DIE

 **hot single dad:** just chill out okay you've done it before

 **fuck off 2.0:** that was different that was all of us on jun's living room floor  
**fuck off 2.0:** and he was cuddling soonyoung which he also looks like he's amazing at  
**fuck off 2.0:** OH what if he tries to cuddle ME

 **hot single dad:** you're in separate beds

 **fuck off 2.0:** not by choice  
**fuck off 2.0:** you didn't read that

 **hot single dad:** wouldn't you want that though? i mean, you /do/ like him right?

 **fuck off 2.0:** yeah but hmhmhmmm i what if he doesn't

 **hot single dad:** oh yeah i forgot that if he cuddles you it means he hates your guts

 **fuck off 2.0:** i hate this i hate him so much  
**fuck off 2.0:** he's so cute and nice and FUCK he'd be the,, best,, cuddler,,

 **hot single dad:** hey here's a thought  
**hot single dad:** TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIM

 **fuck off 2.0:** what if he doesnt like me

 **hot single dad:** youre not gonna know unless you ASK HIM

 **fuck off 2.0:** shut up  
**fuck off 2.0:** oh my god shut up  
**fuck off 2.0:** im so glad im getting drunk tonight

 **hot single dad:** yeah but what if you let go of your impulse control and start making out with him

 **fuck off 2.0:** OH MY GOD SHUT UP

 


End file.
